Educational Books
By continuing to browse this web site you are certifying your agreement to its terms of use; please read them if you have not done so already.
Some fantastic educational books on sex have been published in the last few years, and the following summarizes by topic what's probably the best of those currently in print. It is current as of December 19, 2008, and for the sake of researchers a bibliographic database of all the books mentioned on this page is also available in BibTeX format. [Note that our guides to educational videos, information hotlines, erotica, and finding local organizations are now maintained on separate pages.]
Most people will want to start with a book from this section, before moving on to anything more specialized. The most popular choice at this time is the latest edition of the lighthearted yet comprehensive Guide to Getting It On!. Another very popular and respected choice is The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, which covers sex toys particularly well. Both of those two books are well-written and illustrated, and either would be good places to start learning. Once you have one or both of those two books, other "general how-to" books which may contain additional tips include Down and Dirty Sex Secrets, The Big Bang: Nerve's Guide to the New Sexual Universe, The Hot Guide to Safer Sex, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex, Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partnersex, Sex for the Clueless: How to Enjoy a More Erotic and Exciting Life, or The KISS Guide to Sex. Any of the above books would be useful whether you have sex primarily with women, or with men.
If you primarily have sex with women, and aren't as interested in hearing about anything else, then you might consider either She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman or Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men if you're male, and either On Our Backs Guide to Lesbian Sex, The Lesbian Sex Book, or The Whole Lesbian Sex Book [review] if you're female.
On the other hand, if you're female and so far have only had sex with men, but are curious about sex with women, then the new book The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks is probably more what you're looking for.
Meanwhile, books that focus just on the female G-Spot (an ever-popular topic) include The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-Spot, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot, The Good Vibrations Guide: The G-Spot, and Understanding the G-Spot, though other possibilities (on closely related topics) include The Good Orgasm Guide: All a Girl Needs for a Great Time, and Expanded Orgasm.
But on the other hand, if what you're mainly looking for are new things to try together, the more ideas the merrier, then Tricks... To Please a Woman by Greenery Press would be a good choice.
If you primarily have sex with men, and aren't as interested in hearing about anything else, then you might consider either Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man or Tricks... To Please a Man if you're female, and either Gay Sex: A Manual for Men Who Love Men or 101 Gay Sex Secrets Revealed if you're male.
Any of the following books will talk about how to select and get the most out of a vibrator, which for most women will be the easiest way to reach orgasm (with or without a partner): Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving, Good Vibrations: The New Complete Guide to Vibrators, and Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Self-Pleasure.
ESO: How You and Your Lover Can Give Each Other Hours of Extended Sexual Orgasm, The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know [summary], and The Multi-Orgasmic Couple are all fine choices. A significantly different approach is described in Male Multiple Orgasm Step by Step.
Books about going down on women include The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, The Low Down on Going Down: How to Give Her Mind-Blowing Oral Sex, and Box Lunch: The Layperson's Guide to Cunnilingus. Books about going down on men include The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio, Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex, and Going Down: The Instinct Guide to Oral Sex. The inexpensive book The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Oral Sex covers both.
One of the most popular books on this topic (and there are many to choose from) is The New Sensual Massage.
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women [review], and Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men and Women are all fine choices.
Exhibitionism for the Shy, Phone Sex: Aural Thrills and Oral Skills, Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You On, The Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How To Entice, Excite, and Enchant Your Lover with Words, and Talk Sexy to the One You Love are all fine choices.
The Art of Exotic Dancing for Everyday Women treats erotic dance as a fun thing to do for yourself or your partner, while The S-Factor: Strip Workouts for Every Woman treats it as good exercise. In contrast, The Art of Exotic Dancing takes a more commercial perspective. Another recent book, Bedroom Games: Stripteases, Seductions, and Other Surprises to Keep Your Partner Coming Back for More, takes more of a strip tease perspective on erotic dancing.
Sex Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide is a great place to start, though if your main interest is learning to use strap-on dildos you'll also want to pick up a copy of either The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Strap-On Sex or The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex, and if you're curious about some of the advanced electronic toys that aren't in common use yet you might also want to pick up a copy of The Toybag Guide To High-Tech Toys. Other good choices include The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Sex Toys or The Many Joys of Sex Toys: The Ultimate How-to Handbook for Couples and Singles. Additional tips may be found in Toygasms! The Insider's Guide to Sex Toys and Techniques or Sex Toys.
You'll want to start with a general book covering the how-to and safety basics. Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples is one of the best written, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism is one of the best illustrated, and The New Bottoming Book / The New Topping Book do a particularly admirable job covering the psychology of BDSM play (e.g. why it can be fun).
Other top-notch general books on BDSM include Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely (co-written by a psychotherapist and very well-written), SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (particularly thorough on safety matters), and Safe, Sane, Consensual and Fun (which pairs practical information with illustrative real-life stories).
Once you understand the basics, the following books delve into specific topics in a little more depth:
A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting covers vaginal fisting, while Fist Hand: An Erotic Guide to Fisting and Trust, the Hand Book: A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing cover anal fisting.
The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers [review] is the classic choice for those who want a Western interpretation of Tantra, though Tantra Between the Sheets: The Easy and Fun Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex and The Complete Idiot's Guide to Tantric Sex are more direct and easier reads. Similarly, although there are certainly many books to choose from on this subject, if you want a basic understanding of what the "Kama Sutra" was all about, The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Kama Sutra is a surprisingly good choice. For gay men, the book Tantra for Gay Men is one of the few books on this subject that's still in print.
On the other hand, if all the New Age jargon that you'll find in these books starts to get on your nerves, you might give Life's Too Short for Tantric Sex: 50 Shortcuts to Sexual Ecstasy a shot instead.
The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment is a good place to start: it guides you through reflecting on your best sexual experiences, with the intent of helping you better-understand what you want and like.
The classic Exhibitionism for the Shy has some great advice on the subject of feeling sexy at any size or age, as does Big Big Love [review] (which focuses more on feelings about body weight).
The RoMANtic's Guide: Hundreds of Creative Tips for a Lifetime of Love contains a lifetime's worth of romantic ideas that your partner could appreciate, though if you're planning a romantic getaway weekend you might prefer The Great Sex Weekend [review].
The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers is the best choice to understand the history and culture of swinging. If you intend to actually participate, Swinging for Beginners: An Introduction to the Lifestyle would be a better choice. On the other hand, if you're an experienced participant in the swing community and would like to start hosting swing events of your own, then Together Sex: The Playful Couple's Key to Better Sex Parties is probably what you want.
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities is still the best place to start, though you'll also want to pick up a copy of Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits if your interest is long-term committed relationships. Two newer books, Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines for Responsible Open Relationships and Spiritual Polyamory can provide additional food for thought.
If things get to the point where you're talking about living together, then you'll want to pick up a copy of either Living Together: A Legal Guide for Unmarried Couples or Unmarried to Each Other: The Essential Guide to Living Together as an Unmarried Couple and adapt what you read to your specific situation.
Possibilities include The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities (focusing on alternative relationships and polyamory), Nerve's Guide to Sex Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen (another perspective on modern sex etiquette), Sex Disasters and How to Survive Them (for when something really unforseen happens), and The Bride Wore Black Leather... And He Looked Fabulous!: An Etiquette Guide for the Rest of Us (for trans and BDSM/leather etiquette).
Human Sexuality Today is probably the best "Sexuality 101" college textbook, while The Cartoon Guide to Sex is a great non-academic alternative. Woman: An Intimate Geography also deserves special mention, for the fantastic job it does shedding light on the "why" of female anatomy.
For practical information on reproductive physiology and health, see Dick: A User's Guide if you're male and The V Book: A Doctor's Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health if you're female. For information on sex and disability, see The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability. For information on recovering from childhood sexual abuse, see The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse. For information on sex and aging, see Still Doing It: Women and Men Over 60 Write About Their Sexuality and The Pause: Positive Approaches to Perimenopause and Menopause.
To understand sexual health and sexual dysfunction in the language of mainstream health care professionals, see the Fast Facts series book Sexual Dysfunction.
Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids covers the oft-neglected subject of maintaining one's sex life after becoming a parent. Meanwhile, 201 Questions to Ask Your Kids: 201 Questions to Ask Your Parents seems like the kind of book that could help open some valuable conversations with your children.
If you want to write erotica, then start with How to Write a Dirty Story: Reading, Writing, and Publishing Erotica and graduate to The Erotic Writer's Market Guide once you're ready to submit to publishers. If you want to take erotic photographs, then in addition to a basic book on photography and portraiture you should take a look at Photography for Perverts by Greenery Press. You may also want to pick up a copy of Defending Pornography: Free Speech, Sex, and the Fight for Women's Rights to understand the free-speech implications of pornography.
We were very impressed with the anthology The Best American Sex Writing 2006, and if it continues to come out every year we'll continue to read it every year.
Often opinionated, rarely boring, you might try any or all of the following: Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink, Best Sex Writing 2006 (an annual anthology featuring various authors), Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture, Tristan Taormino's True Lust: Adventures in Sex, Porn and Perversion, Public Sex: The Culture of Radical Sex, Speaking Sex to Power: The Politics of Queer Sex, Leatherfolk (leather community history), Sex Tips and Tales from Women Who Dare, Sex Tips from Men Who Ride the Sexual Frontier, and Deviant Desires: Incredibly Strange Sex (a remarkable book which takes some very unusual fetishes and makes a sincere effort to understand both the fetish as well as the community supporting it).
Sex Work: Writings by Women in the Sex Industry presents a variety of perspectives from women in the sex industry, while Women of the Light: The New Sacred Prostitute focuses on those who see an altruistic dimension to their work. Strapped for Cash: A History of American Hustler Culture presents a history of male hustling in America. Other recent books by people who are either in or have been in the commercial sex industry include Turning Pro: A Guide to Sex Work for the Ambitious and the Intrigued, The Male Escort's Handbook, Tricks and Treats: Sex Workers Write About Their Clients, Annie Sprinkle: Post-Porn Modernist, and Unrepentant Whore: The Collected Works of Scarlot Harlot.
The new book Paying for It: A Guide by Sex Workers for Their Clients covers etiquette for clients, and is possibly the first book of its kind.
Men Like Us: The GMHC Complete Guide to Gay Men's Sexual, Physical, and Emotional Well-Being does a terrific job of covering health matters. To sample a variety of perspectives on the gay men's sex clubs and baths, read Policing Public Sex, Kinkorama, and Gay Bathhouses and Public Health Policy. By contrast, for ideas on long-term relationships, Keeping Mr. Right: The Gay Man's Guide to Lasting Relationships is a solid choice.
The following books present a variety of perspectives on lesbian relationships and dating: Is It a Date or Just Coffee? The Gay Girl's Guide to Dating, Sex, and Romance, The Art of Meeting Women: A Guide for Gay Women, and The Lesbian Polyamory Reader: Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Casual Sex.
Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life is probably the best place to start, perhaps accompanied by Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out. For a sociological perspective, see Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality.
To help sort out your own perspective on gender, My Gender Workbook (though very lighthearted) is a good place to start. If you're trying to come to grips with the gender transition of a friend or family member, then True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism - For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals is what you want. If you want to gain a better understanding understanding of trans community politics and modern theories about gender, then give Sex Changes: Transgender Politics [review] and Queer Theory, Gender Theory: An Instant Primer a try. If you need to understand the medical community's perspective on transgender, then try Gender Loving Care: A Guide to Counseling Gender-Variant Clients and Transgender Care: Recommended Guidelines, Practical Information, and Personal Accounts (and possibly The Phallus Palace: Female to Male Transsexuals for a better understanding of FTM surgery techniques).
On the other hand, if all you want to do is dress up like the opposite sex and don't identify with all this "trans" talk and gender theory, then the book The Lazy Crossdresser is probably more what you're looking for (certainly no offense is intended - that's just the title of the book).
Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends, and Coworkers is a terrific choice. From the other side, the book Always My Child: A Parent's Guide to Understanding Your Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered or Questioning Son or Daughter is very well done.
Why You Should Give A Damn About Gay Marriage covers the theory, while The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Weddings and A Legal Guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples cover the practice.
To learn the basics of activism and citizenship, pick up a copy of The One-Hour Activist: The 15 Most Powerful Actions You Can Take to Fight for the Issues and Candidates You Care About. If all you want is to make a difference as an individual, that's probably the only book you need. But if you're also interested in working with organizations, then you may also want a copy of The Activist's Handbook: A Primer for case studies in what works and what doesn't.
The Politics Of Lust, The Sexual State of the Union, How to Be a b.a.b.e., Juice: Electricity for Pleasure and Pain, and Sex and the Perfect Lover: Tao, Tantra, and the Kama Sutra.
Copyright © Society for Human Sexuality. All rights reserved.
If you're new to this site, we recommend you visit its home page for a better sense of all it has to offer.