Giving and Receiving Erotic Massage
- Giving Your Erotic Massage
- Variations and Enhancements
- Learning More about Massage
- Getting Massage Supplies
- Appendix A: Additional Male Genital Massage Ideas
- Appendix B: Additional Female Genital Massage Ideas
- Appendix C: Safer Sex Precautions
- Appendix D: Music Recommendations
The General Approach this Guide Takes
This guide teaches how to give and receive erotic massage. It discusses
how to help your partner relax, and discusses how to help your partner
experience extended or multiple orgasms as part of your massage. A common
arrangement is for one partner to receive a massage first, and then to
return the favor, but of course how you choose to arrange this is up to you
and your partner.
It's best to perform erotic massage while your partner is lying on a
massage table of some kind. After preparing your space to be warm and pleasing, you can start with
a sensual and relaxing general massage before shifting the focus to your
partner's sex centers. The idea is to bring your partner to high
levels of arousal, and keep him or her there for a while. For men, this is best done through verbal or non-verbal communication which allows
stimulation to be slowed down, changed, or stopped before ejaculation
becomes inevitable (stimulation then continues in a few moments, after the
urgency fades). For women, this is best done by using G-Spot and/or
clitoral massage to bring her to multiple orgasms, which naturally tend to
take place over an extended period of time.
Erotic massage can work equally well for same-sex as for
opposite-sex partners. Additionally, as having someone pleasure you with
their hands doesn't tend to bring up the same set of cultural fears and
judgments that oral sex or intercourse sometimes do, it sometimes
works well even when your
partner isn't of a gender you are normally attracted to.
Set and Setting
Taking the time to create a sensual and appealing environment for your erotic
massage shows that you care about your partner and value pleasure.
Start by turning off the phones. You may wish to put a "Do Not
Disturb" sign on the door, illuminate the room with either candles or
soft indirect lamps, burn incense, and turn up the heat to where one would
be comfortable lying down naked. Keep your lubricants, oils, and gloves
(if needed or desired) within easy reach, and cover the massage table with a blanket and place a clean sheet over
this blanket. You can let the sides of the blanket and sheet drape over the sides
of the table so that they may be brought up to cover the receiving partner
(keeping him or her warm) after the massage is finished. Pieces of
(possibly fake) fur or feathers can be used for additional sensual
tantalization, and an eye pillow or blindfold can be helpful in blocking
out any unwanted light for your partner.
Putting a CD (or prerecorded tape) of your favorite music on repeat play is a good idea.
Some people are more comfortable with a pillow or rolled bath towel
underneath their knees and/or head (when lying face up) or their ankles
(when lying face down), and some women will be more comfortable with a
pillow underneath their hips; if this is your first massage with your
partner you might want to experiment a little or ask him or her.
If you're going to be giving the massage, take a look at your fingernails and clip them if necessary.
One similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs
to be used when massaging their genitals: this will make the experience
more pleasurable and prevent sore spots from developing. One difference
between men and women is that one may use oil-based,
water-based, or silicone-based lubricants on
men, while one should use only water-based lubricants on women to avoid
encouraging vaginal infections. For genital massage on men, or for
massage elsewhere on a man or woman's body, you can purchase special
massage oils at massage supply shops or else just use a light vegetable
oil (such as Safflower, Sunflower, or grapeseed) from the supermarket.
Lubricants and oils should be reapplied as necessary, so it's good to
keep them handy.
It's very convenient to have flip-top squeeze bottles for lubes and oils,
and one of those massage oil "belts" that massage supply shops
sell. Since many of these belts have two pockets, you could use one for
lube and the other for massage oil. Be sure lubes and oils are warm before
putting them on someone; if you wish you can run hot tap water over your
flip-top bottles for a few minutes before using them, or maybe you could just keep the plastic bottles in
a bowl of warm water instead of using a belt. It's also a good
idea to put lubricants in your hand before applying them so you have a
chance to rub your hands together to warm them if necessary.
Oh, and one final word of advice: please be sure any water-based lube you may be
using DOESN'T contain Nonoxynol-9. In this context Nonoxynol-9 is unlikely
to do anything but irritate.
During both the relaxation and genital phases of your erotic massage
it's important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable
making requests and comments. He or she should feel free to mention
anything that is getting in the way of his or her comfort and pleasure.
Requests to go to the bathroom, for touch to be harder or lighter, to
take a break or stop, for the heat to be turned up, etc., are all signs
that levels of communication and trust are high. They are also signs
that the receiving partner is paying attention to his or her feelings,
which is a key to experiencing greater and greater pleasure.
Some people find that sex and/or pleasure can bring up difficult
emotional issues for them. When someone is crying, or in a similarly distressed emotional state,
it's usually best to just be there for that person and reassure them
that it's OK to cry (possibly while holding them) rather than trying to
rationally discuss what is going on or engage in problem-solving. Asking
them what they need rather than assuming too much is also a good idea.
I hope it goes without saying that you both should be in agreement that
your relationship includes the possibility of sexual intimacy before going
ahead with an erotic massage. Situations where the giving partner tries
to shift a relaxation massage into an erotic realm for the first time, but
the receiving partner was expecting or wanting only relaxation massage or
doesn't feel your friendship should include sex, can be uncomfortable and
embarassing at the least. It's worth it to somehow bring this topic up
beforehand with a new partner, even if you have to blush a little when
telling him or her what you think it would be fun to do with them.
Relaxing Your Partner's Body
Start by connecting with your partner. There may be specific ways you
and your partner prefer to do this. If not, try kind words, soft gazing
into each other's eyes, synchronized breathing, and/or caressing each
others' faces or hands.
When both of you are ready, have your partner lie face down, naked, on
the massage table. Start by quieting and focusing your mind while
resting your hands on the receiving partner's upper and lower back.
Then, perform a relaxing massage on the back, legs, and feet. Basic
principles of relaxing massage include keeping your hands in contact
with your partner, taking your time, being rhythmic yet sensitive, and
proceeding from long gliding strokes to deeper ones. When giving a
massage be sure to use good body mechanics: use your body weight rather
than arm strength for deep strokes, during gliding strokes keep your
knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table.
After relaxing your partner's back, legs, and feet, have him or her turn
over. Massage the chest, arms, and hands. Then glide down to the legs. It
can feel good to brush the genitals when going down to the legs. After
finishing the fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush
over the genitals, teasing them. This teasing process can be drawn out by
brushing the inner thighs near the genitals, very lightly touching the
pubic region, etc. At this point erotic energy is often building, making
it a natural time to start shifting the focus to more explicitly sexual
Especially if this is your first massage with this partner, it's a good idea
to look into your partner's eyes while cradling his or her genitals, and
somehow ask his or her permission to go further. The rest of the
massage will focus on the genitals, with periodic sweeps up and down the
body to spread, balance, and integrate the sensations. One of the skills
that comes with practice is being able to read the energy and arousal
levels of your partner, and smoothly and gradually ramp up from relaxing
massage to more arousing and sexual massage.
Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex Centers
The basic principle of male genital massage is that you should slow down,
stop, or change what you are doing just before ejaculation becomes inevitable. The best way to accomplish this is
for the man to give a signal just before this point is reached.
Verbal cues, raising a hand, pulling away slightly, or even subtle body language cues can all work well. This
repeated "peaking" process can sometimes help men learn to have
multiple orgasms without ejaculating, and can also be practiced during solo
masturbation. Although delaying ejaculation during the course of the
massage is desirable from the perspective of maximizing pleasure, many
partners do like to finish the massage with one. Ejaculation provides
a considerable spark of pleasure, but can leave men too fatigued to enjoy
the rest of the evening or do a good job massaging their partner;
opposite-sex partners who like to finish male genital massage with
ejaculation should have the woman receive her massage first.
It's also fun to encourage your partner with hot talk
(possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's
desires). Letting your partner know verbally and
non-verbally that you're actively enjoying his
pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
As an aside, it should be noted that a nice feature of male genital
massage is that an erection is not required for it to feel good; some
massage strokes actually feel BETTER when the penis is soft.
Suggested Genital Massage Strokes
There are many different massage strokes that feel good on male
genitals. Unless he indicates otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that
firm and consistent stroking will feel best. I'm going to present a few
favorite strokes below, but you can make up your own, refer to Appendix
A, or examine the resources in this guide's "Learning More about Massage"
section to learn dozens of additional strokes. One approach that some
people favor is selecting two favorite strokes, and for a period of time
alternating between them every once in a while.
"Healing Stroke" - With the penis resting on the belly,
cup the balls with one hand. The heel of the palm of the other hand
glides up and down the underside of the penis all the way to the tip.
(Body Electric School handout)
"Anvil Stroke" - Bring one hand down, letting it stroke
the penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the
bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring your other hand to the top of the
penis and repeat the stroke, creating an alternating motion. (internet
"Climbing the Mountain" - Take the penis in one hand and
gently, sensuously caress it for about ten seconds, then give it one quick
up-and-down stroke. Repeat the sensuous caressing for about ten seconds
(perhaps using slow up-and-down strokes), and then give the penis two
quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat the caressing, then give three quick
strokes, etc. Continue until ejaculation approaches inevitability. (SM
101, 2nd Ed.)
It's up to the two of you whether to finish with an ejaculation. If you
do, then pleasuring can continue all the way through ejaculation and
until your partner asks you to stop. At the end of the massage (whether or
not there is an ejaculation), the sheet/blanket combination can be
folded up over the person on the table to provide a warm cocoon. This
can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.
Female sexual response is often significantly different from male sexual
response, in the following ways:
It's because of #5 that the basic approach to erotic massage differs
between women and men. Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation
all the way through one orgasm and into the next, there is little or no
need for them to hold back in any way. Having orgasms in a series can
cause arousal levels to float for a long time at a very high level.
- Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states,
and feelings of warmth towards her partner.
- Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot
stimulation and through clitoral stimulation. Many women characterize
the clitoral orgasms as "sharper" and the G-Spot orgasms as
- Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual stimulation they
like, and how they like it done.
- Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but can often last longer
and be more intense than that which men commonly experience.
- Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues
following the first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).
Suggested Types of Stimulation
Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so
you need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their
partners to begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow
this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or
G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation. Please be aware that neither clitoral
stimulation nor any sort of vaginal penetration usually feels good unless
a woman is already in a fairly high state of arousal. When performing
genital massage on women one often has a "free hand" which may
be used to glide over the rest of her body, tease her nipples, massage her
perineum, caress her face, form "connections" with other parts
of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body at the same time
as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc.
Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most
commonly favored among women, there are many more. Refer to Appendix B
or examine the resources in this guide's "Learning More"
section for more ideas.
"Clitoral" - When massaging her clitoris, learn what
part of it feels best to her. Going in circles around it softly and
rhythmically with a lubricated finger is a good way to proceed, at least
until you get more specific feedback or until you uncover
something that obviously feels better. Once you find something that feels
great, consistency with it is often the key to further
pleasure. Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their
vaginas are pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized
dildo are good ways to accomplish this, though penetration of any kind
usually doesn't feel good to someone who isn't aroused, so it probably isn't
what she would want you to start right out with.
"G-Spot" - The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the
vagina, just behind the pubic bone about two inches in. A woman can often
tell you when you've found her G-Spot, and it often feels more
"ridged" than the surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be intensely
pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female
ejaculation is sometimes a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculate
is NOT urine, but IS expelled through the urethra. One easy way to
stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first and second fingers
together (possibly starting with just your first finger). Make rhythmic
gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to "come
here". Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular fashion.
Generally, it's the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her
G-Spot. Another approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal
barrel with even pressure against all areas of it. Be aware that the shape
of the vagina changes as a woman's arousal level increases. You'll
probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards during extreme
arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a little
farther from center in order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal
walls. G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.
"Vibrator" - Vibrators generally work best on or near the
clitoris. If the vibration is too intense, switch to a lower speed or put
a cloth between the vibrator and her clitoris. It's OK to let your
partner hold the vibrator. It's also fun for a vibrator to be used
clitorally at the same time vaginal penetration is being performed. The
most versatile vibrators are the standard plug-in models such as the
"Verbal and Non-Verbal Encouragement" - It's helpful to
encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal
fantasy based on your partner's desires). Sexy complements, eye
contact, etc. are also nice additions. Many sexual
difficulties (especially for women, it seems) stem from worries: worrying that her
partner is getting tired of pleasuring her, that she isn't coming fast
enough, etc. Letting your receiving partner know verbally and
non-verbally that you're actively enjoying giving her
pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac for her.
It's nice to fold the sheet/blanket combination over your partner when
you two are finished. This can be a time of profound peace and
Regular, conscious breathing is a powerful way to enhance
both relaxation massage and erotic massage. If the receiving partner
forgets to breathe, the massaging partner can remind him or her by
breathing rhythmically and audibly. Some partners find that
synchronizing the breathing between the two of them leads to wonderful
sensations. Just don't hyperventilate...
Group Massage Gatherings
These can be put on with three or more participants. Participants divide
up into groups of three or four, with one massage table per group. Each
person in each group gets a certain amount of time on their table, and
before massage begins this person tells the other people at his or her
table what he or she would like, and what his or her limits are. This can
be a lot of fun, and is a great way to practice asking for what you want
sexually (a habit which has the power to enhance your pleasure in and of
itself). It's good to start and end these by having everyone get in a
circle, introduce themselves (if necessary), and "check in"
(i.e. say something about where they're at, what they would like to get
out of the day, what they liked about the day, etc.). It's also helpful
to have little snacks and water for people to eat and drink. Since you
may end up giving three or four different people massages during an event
like this, it's fairly common for the host and/or hostess to ask everyone
to use gloves for all genital massage, and possibly for everyone to wash
their hands before the next person gets on the table.
For small gatherings (6-8 people) of participants who all know each other,
people can just gravitate towards whatever table and group they want when
it's time to start; for larger events or events where there will be a lot
of beginners, it's often helpful for the host or hostess to assign people
to tables so things stay balanced, nobody's feelings get hurt, and so
there aren't any tables composed entirely of novices. It's usually a good
idea to put someone in charge of bringing supplies to the event (latex
gloves, massage oil in little bottles, lube, towels, etc.), and (when lots
of new folks are involved) for the host or hostess to stay at least
marginally aware of what is going on so things stay comfortable for
These events usually work very easily for men-only or women-only groups,
and tend to work best for mixed-gender groups when at least rough gender
balance is maintained and there are at least a few experienced men and
women in attendance.
Finishing with Intercourse
Some partners (especially opposite-sex couples) like to finish with
intercourse rather than the blanket-wrapping I've described. Since most
massage tables are sturdy enough to support two people, near the end of
the massage one partner can climb on top the other and they can both
fuck themselves to what are often very powerful orgasms. Thus, they can
finish locked in each others' embrace (although even without intercourse
the standing partner can lean over and embrace the receiving partner's
upper body, or else just gently rest his or her hands on the receiving
Despite what mainstream pornography tends to portray, women don't
usually have orgasms from intercourse alone. However, a woman is MUCH
more likely to experience orgasm during intercourse if she has had one
or more orgasms (especially of the G-Spot variety) before intercourse
commences. Popular positions for male-female intercourse include
missionary and woman-on-top (which allow face-to-face intimacy) and
"doggie style" (which allows the woman to easily rub her
clitoris while being penetrated).
The "Big Draw"
This technique for completing a massage was developed by the Body
Electric School. In the minutes preceding it the massage work should be
becoming more and more energetic, building and building. At a certain
point (counted down to verbally, so both partners know when it's coming)
massage and any other touch ceases, the person on the table takes seven
very deep breaths, and while holding the seventh breath clenches every
muscle in his or her body and rolls his or her eyes back in his or her
head (possibly assuming a tense position with torso and legs a bit off the
table, as in a "crunch") for about 10 seconds. He or she then
completely relaxes, resumes regular breathing, and the standing person
gently folds the sheets/blanket over his or her body. For maximum effect
the music should be quite
"cosmic" at this point, and the person performing the massage
shouldn't touch the person on the table (who has his or her eyes closed,
or who has a blindfold on) for at least five minutes or until the person
on the table requests otherwise. This practice can provoke profound emotional release, and often
hallucinations. Afterwards, the standing partner opens the cocooned
sheets, gently towels off any oil, helps his or her partner to sit up, and
then both partners either keep silence or say what is in their heart. It's
fun to follow the Big Draw with a hot tub or a warm bath.
It's helpful to use a pre-arranged and timed music tape. Ideally, there should be five seconds of
silence immediately following the Big Draw, and possibly during it. Music
should have been building to that point, and should resume with something
really beautiful after the silence following the Big Draw ("Gabriel's
Oboe" from The
Mission soundtrack, or "With This Love" from Peter
soundtrack, for example).
Incorporating PC Muscle Contractions ("Kegels")
Contractions of the PC (pubococcygeus) muscle are associated with
increased sexual pleasure for both men and women. This muscle may be
identified by noticing what muscles you use to stop the flow of urine
when you are urinating (without moving your torso or legs); it's the same one. The PC
muscle can be exercised by contracting and releasing it; one approach is
to rhythmically contract when inhaling and relax when exhaling.
Generally, the stronger the PC muscle is, the more intense one's orgasms
can be. The PC muscle can also be repeatedly contracted and relaxed at
various times during sex (such as during G-Spot stimulation, or during
male ejaculation) to increase pleasure. Men can use the PC muscle to
prevent ejaculation; this is done by holding the breath while either
strongly bearing down ("pushing out") or tightly squeezing
("holding in") using the pelvic muscles.
An advanced technique in male genital massage is to stimulate the man's
prostate gland at the same time one is stimulating the penis. This can be
done with a finger an inch or two inside his anus, pressing on the dome
shape found in the direction of the penis. When stimulating the prostate,
you should wear latex gloves, have short fingernails (or else pack cotton
balls around your fingernails and then put gloves on), and use lots of
lube. Part of what some beginners find novel about anal penetration is
that it makes one feel as if one has to go to the bathroom. By going to
the bathroom pretty thoroughly before beginning play, one may have an
easier time not interpreting this new sensation in the old context. Please
see either The
New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or Anal
Pleasure and Health for more details. Pressing on the prostate
gland during ejaculation, or when a man is close to ejaculation, can feel
wonderful. It is also possible for some men to have ejaculatory orgasms
through prostate stimulation alone.
Once each partner has sufficient experience with his or her own sexual
response, they may wish to try mutual stimulation. This is best done on a
bed, rather than on a massage table. Simply lie down facing each other,
heads close together, and pleasure each other with your hands. Again, for
men slightly pulling away or giving some other cue when ejaculation is
imminent will allow play to continue.
Complete Book of Massage, by Claire Maxwell-Hudson. There are
hundreds of good how-to books on non-sexual ("therapeutic")
massage, and this is only one of them. Another great way to augment book
learning is to receive quality massage. Seek out a trained, licensed
therapist in your area for non-sexual, relaxing, "Swedish"
How You and Your Lover Can Give Each Other Hours of Extended Sexual
Orgasm, by Alan P. Brauer and Donna Brauer. This book outlines a
general approach for using genital massage to achieve extended orgasmic
Body Electric Courses
The Body Electric School offers
courses in erotic massage, and is in fact the only organization to offer education
of this kind nationwide. Their courses are VERY well put together. The
Body Electric School offers courses consisting of men only, and courses
consisting of women only. They also (in Seattle, Washington and Oakland,
California) offer a course with both men and women, but you must complete
the same-sex class before taking the mixed class.
Massage tables and supplies may be purchased through mail-order from Stronglite.
If your massage table is
adjustable, adjust it so that when you stand next to the table with your arms
at your sides and fists closed, your knuckles just brush the top of the
If your budget is especially tight you could try making your own
massage table, possibly with two sawhorses and a big padded board (with an
oval hole in the board for the receiving partner's face to rest in while
he or she is lying face down).
Using the "Extra Hand"
Some male genital massage strokes require only one hand. Here are some
suggestions for things you can do with the "extra hand":
- Massage the legs or chest.
- Tease the nipples or other erogenous zones (note:
"connections" can be made between erotic arousal and almost
any part of the body, by linking stimulation of the genitals with
stimulation of this area).
- Rub the perineum, possibly with an oiled fist or several fingers.
For some men, this may stimulate the prostate gland.
- Wrap an index finger and thumb around the penis between the balls
and the body. Contract slightly to form a living cock ring.
Alternatively, this can be done between the balls and the shaft, rather
than between the balls and the body.
- Gently tug on the hairs covering the testicles.
- Cup or tickle the testicles.
Selected and Paraphrased from a Body Electric for Men Handout
With one hand pull the shaft's skin toward the
base and wrap the fingers of this hand around the base to act as a
living cock ring. Using the other hand, rhythmically pick various points
along the shaft of the penis and squeeze opposite sides of the penile
shaft at these points, releasing pressure either immediately or after
only a brief period of time.
Rub the penis between both palms, as if rubbing two sticks
together to create fire. Be sure to use plenty of oil.
- HAIRY PALM SUNDAY
Hold the penis in one hand with the head
sticking up. Using the well-oiled palm of your other hand, slowly and
sensitively massage the head of the penis. Reverse directions every once
in a while.
- HEALING STROKE
With the penis resting on the belly, the hand
closest to the feet cups the balls. The heel of the palm of the other
hand glides up and down the underside of the penis.
- TWIST AND SHOUT
Pull the skin of the penis toward the base with
one hand. With the other hand corkscrew the penis. This can be done with
the thumb and first finger or with the whole palm.
Selected and Paraphrased From the Internet Alt.Sex FAQ
- ANVIL STROKE
Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis
from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release
it. Meanwhile, bring your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat.
See also: Milker and Perpetual Penetration.
Place both of your hands side by side against his shaft
like a pair of bookends. Now push hard against his penis. Then lift your
hands up and down. Continue in this manner for a while.
Turn the head of his penis like you're trying to open a
doorknob coated with grease. Now try turning the other way. Repeat. This
stroke is sometimes improved by using the other hand to stretch the skin
of the penis toward the base.
- DOUBLE WHAMMY
Bring both well-lubricated hands down on his
shaft. Some cocks are so big they require both hands; if your partner's
doesn't, then use the other hand to caress and lightly flutter his
balls, or tighten around the base of his shaft. If both hands fit along
the length of the shaft then move them together, up and down, in the
typical pumping motion. Pretend you're holding a baseball bat and are
about to score a grand slam. You can also vary the directions of your
hands: one up, one down at the same time.
Opposite of the Anvil: hands alternate
"milking" up the penis, starting at the base and working all
the way up past the tip.
- PERPETUAL PENETRATION
Like the Anvil, but instead of just
grabbing the penis at the top let his penis "penetrate" into
your fist on each stroke. Before the head of his penis pops out of your
hand, bring the other hand up for the next penetration. This way it
seems to him like he is penetrating deeper and deeper into an infinite
vagina. Make sure you keep the penetration continuous for best results.
Try faster or slower to taste.
Make a ring with your thumb and forefinger and pump up and
down with it. When you get to the top close the ring. Then make him
squeeze his way in as you slide back down to the bottom.
Stroke only his shaft, ignoring his head. You will notice
his head swelling and turning red. When it's bright red, use Doorknob,
Hairy Palm Sunday, or Perpetual Penetration.
- SHUTTLE COCK
Take the penis in both hands, fingers lightly
touching the sides of the shaft. In order to visualize the position,
imagine yourself holding a clarinet. Now flick the penis back and forth
between your two hands by holding onto the loose skin of the shaft. Do
this stroke for a while to allow tension to build.
- SPOT PINCH
Lightly and slowly run a finger up the underside of
his cock. Ask him to tell you where the most sensitive spot is. Pinch
it, squeeze it, nibble it, tease it. This is a good spot to pinch (a la
Cockupressure) to turn a soft cock rock solid.
- LABIAL MASSAGE
"Place a well-oiled (or lubed) hand over her
labia, fingers pointing towards her anus. Pull up toward the navel and
alternate hands. Explore the inner and outer lips with your fingers.
Pull gently on one and then the other. Rub the outer lips gently between
your forefinger and thumb, then the inner lips."
- A-ONE AND A-TWO AND A-THREE
"Try inserting your first two
fingers into her, then arch your thumb back 'hitch-hiker' style and
thrust in until your thumb rests against her clitoris. You can use a
variety of thrusting and twisting motions in this position. You can also
vibrate your entire hand."
- CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR
"If your partner has a particular spot
that they like to have licked or caressed, try doing so very close to
but not quite on that spot - except perhaps occasionally. This
trick will make them take longer to reach their orgasm, but they will
likely have a much stronger, more powerful orgasm when it finally does
happen. As a variant, you can do the 'not quite on target' until they
get close to coming, then switch to the target itself, thus earning
- PUSH HERE TO START
"Gently insert one finger deeply into
her vagina and, when she's ready, insert a second. Then take your thumb
and place it against her anus. Don't insert it. Instead, press there
while you move your fingers."
- TAP DANCING
"Place the palm of your hand on her mons (the
mound where her pubic hair is), and rest your fingers lightly on her
vaginal lips. Rest your thumb on her opposite thigh. Lightly but firmly
press your palm onto her mons and begin to move your hand in a
tiny circular motion. You palm should not slide too much over her
skin during this process. Instead, her skin should move underneath it.
Repeat this process until you have done ten circles. You then raise your
fingers and lightly tap her vaginal lips about once a second until you
have given her ten taps. Please note that these are light taps, not
spanks. They shouldn't hurt. After giving the taps, rest your hand for
five to ten seconds. Then repeat the circles, then repeat the taps, then
rest again, then repeat the circles..."
- CERVIX CLOCK
"A woman's cervix can usually be found in the
upper rear part of her vagina. The cervix feels like a little dome of
tissue, and may also have a small cleft in the middle, like your chin.
Carefully stimulate the area surrounding the cervix. Some women may
enjoy this and want you to do it more often; others won't."
- FINGERS ON THE HOOD
"Given how the clitoral area is often
more sensitive than any single part of the penis, you don't want the
rough skin of your fingers rubbing across it. Gently push and pull on
the clitoral hood and labia when first touching a woman's genitals.
Using the lips as leverage can provide pleasing stimulation without
- FROM THE OUTSIDE
"Lay your free hand over the lower part of
your partner's abdomen. Experiment by applying different kinds of
pressure with the top hand while fingers from your other hand are inside
"An excellent way to learn more about pleasing
your partner is to rest your fingers over hers while she is masturbating
herself. Then do the reverse, with her fingers acting as guides for your
- OFF THE EDGE
"Another form of genital massage can be done
by holding a lubricated lip between your thumb and forefinger. While
squeezing just a little, pull your fingers straight away from the
woman's body. Your fingers will end up in the air an inch or two above
her body, as though you had pulled them off the edge of a tabletop or
sheet of paper. If she likes this, repeat it many times."
"Ask your partner to help you locate her ovaries.
They can usually be felt in the deepest part of the vagina and to the
far left or right. Some women will like you to massage this area, others
will find it painful. Sensitivity will also vary with her menstrual
- PROPER INVITE
"Begin with a light, gentle caress that
barely touches the inner thighs and pubic hair. Don't go much further
until your partner's pelvis begins to arch upwards. Tease and caress
until the lips of her vulva invite your fingers inside."
"After applying lubrication, it might be nice to
begin with one of the large outer lips. Place the lucky lip between your
thumb and forefinger, clasping it at the base where it attaches to the
main part of your partner's body. Then run your fingers (or fingertip)
from the lower to upper part of the lip, as though you were tracing one
side of a parenthesis. Repeat this as long as your partner's feedback is
positive. You can also make an upside down horseshoe pattern with a
fingertip by starting at the lower inside part of one lip and finishing
at the lower inside part of the other. It could be fun to do this with
both inner and outer lips."
Selected from Annie
Sprinkle and Joseph Kramer's
Women's Massage Ritual
Coming into contact with active outbreaks of herpes or HPV, or exchanging
body fluids with someone currently carrying a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD), can
impart a risk to you of catching that STD. Although unprotected genital
massage is certainly safer than unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse,
if you or your partner are potentially contagious you can always insure absolute
protection by putting on a pair of latex or nitrile gloves before
pleasuring your partner's genital areas. Please note that gloves are ONLY considered necessary when one is
massaging skin that is broken or unhealthy due to STD-related
inflammation, or when there is a possibility of your hand(s) coming into
contact with infectious body fluids; for general massage on healthy skin (with no body fluids involved) they aren't needed.
- BE HERE NOW
"Hold completely still while your fingers or
your hand are still inside her vagina. Don't move - just be there and
- CRESCENT MOON
"Insert your thumb in her vagina, curl your
palm around onto her clitoris, and rest your fingertips on top of her
pubic bone. Alternate stimulation between the internal G-Spot, the
clitoris, and the external G-Spot/bladder."
"Press very firmly on her G-Spot, like ringing a
doorbell. Press, release, press...."
- FOUR DIRECTIONS
"With two fingers press firmly
up/side/down/side in her vagina, eight times each side."
- GENTLE TOUCH AND TICKLE
"Tickle the clitoris extremely
- HEALING THRUST
"Some women might need and want good, hard,
deep, vigorous thrusting penetration. Be sure to keep her relaxed -
don't let her get into a tensed body mode."
- PINCH AND PULL
"Gently pinch and pull on the
- ROCK AROUND THE CLIT CLOCK
"With your forefinger make tiny
circles, stopping at every one of twelve 'hours'."
- TEMPLE GATE TEASE
"With one finger tickle her vaginal
opening as lightly as possible. Make her hungry."
- TOUR DE FRANCE
"Orbit your forefinger around between her
inner and outer labia from perineum to above her clitoris."
- TRIPLE DIGIT PUSSY PET
"Use your three longest fingers,
with your middle finger gliding along the outside of her vaginal opening
and your other two fingers running along the place where her thigh meets
- TWIST AND SHOUT
"Using one or more fingers, massage in and
out while twisting at the wrist."
By the way, although
oils do degrade latex, most experts feel that latex gloves, which are
thicker than condoms, may safely be used with oils for reasonable periods
of time, particularly for external work (and since you wouldn't want to use oils as a vaginal lubricant, this is a moot point for erotic massage on a female anyway).
Please remember, though, that if you stimulate or penetrate a woman's anus with one
of your fingers you must change gloves before putting that same finger
into her vagina. Doing otherwise can cause vaginal infections.
It's helpful to put together a tape or minidisc with music selections that
work well for the pace of your time together. For erotic massage, it's
also helpful to arrange the speakers so the best listening point is at the
head of the massage table.
The following music recommendations come from the Body Electric School:
GOOD MUSIC FOR THAT NICE "AFTERGLOW" PERIOD
Here are some lovely "cosmic music" selections:
If you're looking for something relaxing that you can play through
without needing to edit, any of the following might work for you:
If you're looking for something invigorating that you can play
through without needing to edit, any of the following might work for
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